Where were you, when everything was falling apart?
All my days were spent by the telephone that never rang
And all I needed was a call that never came
To the corner of 1st and Amistad

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me.

But in the end everyone ends up alone
Losing her, the only one who's ever known
Who I am, who I'm not and who I wanna to be
No way to know how long she will be next to me

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me.

The early morning, the city breaks
And I've been calling for years and years and years
And you never left me no messages
You never sent me no letters
You got some kind of nerve taking all I want








.....

Everything is going great. So great, it's actually starting problems.
Courtney moved away. It sucks big time. The last night she was here i literally broke down pretty damn hard. I've lost a lot of important people in my life already this year and yet, I just lost another one.

Now I have a boyfriend, needless to say, I'm still tied up with a few other people in the process, so...I'm trying to fix shit there, cept..it's going to be a tad bit hard and complicated at the same time.

As of my other friends? Kae and I had a long talk the other night..
Kinda sunk in my mind a little to deep then it should have.
ehhh.

Idk. Tomorrows the big 18. Hopefully in a few weeks i'll be getting my first tat.
i'm out. im tired. peace.

My life has changed quicker than a blink of an eye, I kinda believe it did itself a total 180 degree turn on it's own. But the more that I think about it, has it not made everything so much better?

As mom said, everything does happen for a reason..for the better or for the worst. I'm so happy where I am today with my life. I don't miss a thing of my past, and I probably will never even stop to think about it ever again, unless I have laughs with Madden..that's about it.

I'm better than all that. Lets look at the positives in my life....
My brother moved back home, I finally got a job that I love, I'm practically on honor roll, my friends are what make me smile for hours, I kinda met someone new WHO never lets me down, let alone, never thinks about putting me down, and.. I finally am getting my test results and start treatment soon :).

Over the weekend I played in a hockey game, as most people know.. I took all my anger out on some girl that i've been holding in for awhile.. now, I'm suspended for awhile. Lesson learned? Actually yes. I don't need to fuck someone up because of something they did to piss me off, I don't need to go out of my way and penalize others because of my actions. Not worth it. Life isn't going to stop for anyone..let alone, life isn't perfect. People, things.. do crazy shit. Life brings the "unexpected." And that unexpected isn't always something that's ment to happen, it just does. It's uncontrollable. I'm learning to let go of it, live my life up a little bit, who the fuck cares what so and so does, or did.. i'm learning. And it's only making me a stronger person.

The cars are passing down below
And all that's left of you is all your clothes
You left your key the T.V's on
Our picture's face down by the alarm clock radio

The only thing you ever wanted was for me to be here,
To stay now you've gone away
I wish I could pick up the phone and tell you how I'm feeling
and tell you how I've changed
I'd tell you everything

I really don't know if it'd make it all better
But I let myself go and put it in a letter to you
I know I've been stupid and don't have a reason
But I'm tryin not to ruin the one thing I believe in, you
It's killing me, killing you

Remember how you drove me mad
You'd leave your rings and jewelry by the bath
Waking up the bed sheets gone
Spend half the night tryin to steal it back

The only thing you ever wanted was for me to be here,
To stay now you've gone away
I wish I could pick up the phone and tell you how I'm feeling
And tell you how I've changed
I'd tell you everything

Last night I did something I've never done before and it was amazing.
Everything I touched was different, my sister tickled me and it freaked me out, but it wasn't like freaking out like I would on a regular basics. Then at one point I couldn't stop laughing, I was laughing so hard I didn't  think i'd have a voice afterwards. I notice a tear going down my face, I started crying I was laughing so hard, but then I realized more tears were falling, was I really crying? And if so, what am I crying over? I haven't felt so happy in my life for the longest time. The whole night ended up with a good feeling.

This might be something I actually might wanna do again.
<3

  My alarm went off Wednesday morning at 630, I say fuck it and press the snooze. Mom comes running in ten minutes later struggling to get my ass out of bed. I finally get up, take a shower, do my hair, throw some make up on, put my sweats on, leave my house, pick david up, and go to school.
    I entered. "Sette, are you really wearing sweats the first day of school?" Automatically, makes me want to walk out the doors because i'm already sick of the damn place. I walk into my first block class..study hall, go figure. Fuck this class, all weirdos. Jill walks in, already getting in trouble, but I laugh because it' entertainment for me.
    The loud speaker goes off, all seniors must return to the auditorium for a meeting. I go there, meet up with all my friends, the ones that are in the same mood that I'm in, pissed that were back in this hell hole, but this time we all actually showed up for a class meeting. Principle and councilors talk to us about the dress code, senior parking, hazing, college shit..etc. For the most part I was talking to Max or playing with my phone seeing how we get this speech every year.
    I walk out, we have gym.. go through that.. nothing big. First day we always get out heights and weights checked along with our eyes.  I'm done.. next class economics.
    Walk in, see some faces from last year, none that I really cared to talk to, a few, but not many. I see a few new kids, I over hear their from Canada, here for a hockey team. Think their pretty good looking myself, and a bonus because they play hockey. Anyways, a big tall guy walks in.. my teacher. Starts taking attendence. As i'm sitting there i'm only imagining how bad he's going to butcher my name like all the other teachers. My name is next.. "Cassevoy?" Here. Goes to the next name. As i'm sitting there writing all over my new agenda I started laughing and quietly told Rachel I knew he wouldn't be able to say my first name. As I keep writing all over, the room is silent, after a few moments I look up. "What was that Cassevoy?" So I repeated myself. He asked me if i'm usually always opinionated, I told him the truth, yes. After that, he told me he's the same way and that we would get along "just fine" this year. Doesn't phase me. I just want to get the attention off me now because now he's starting to ask me for my opinion after everything we do or he says. He finally asks me who I want for president. I said McCain. Finally, we both agree on something. We start taking notes, still just writing down everything on the screen however, my mind is somwhere else. Thinking about going to Boces with all those girls, at this point i'm in an okay mood, but we all know that will change.
    Bell rings, we go to lunch. I see all my friends again, we all sit together. It was cool, even though I had nothing to say the whole time. Boces kids can leave, I ride up with Brianna and Amanda. We get there, and I automatically get in a pissed off mood. Class doesn't start for another 20 minutes, so we head to the cafeteria. I see Nicole. She flys over to me and gives me a big hug, I missed her a little bit, it was more her being excited to see me than the other way around. I turn my head and I see Kellie Smith. This bitch and I are the only ones that won't take shit from everyone, maybe that's why I get a long with her so much. Last time I saw her was at the Blue Heron, and we were under the influence. It was awesome, but I fling over there and I hugged her and we sat down together and had lunch before class. Sitting at a table with a girls in my class, already hearing one girl talk shit about another. Listening to drama all over again. Fuck it, I get up and leave. Class starts, I see all 40 girls in my class. Everyone, including me, is catching up. Finding out who has a problem with who now.. etc. "Yeah I slept with 4 dudes this summer, even though I do have a kid." Automatically makes me turn around.. "Yeah, that's not whorish or anything." As she laughs, I'm still disgusted. I hear the story with the one girl and her boyfriend breaking up because of "me." Sets me off in a different way..and at this point I just want to walk to the office and sit there for a few hours till the bus comes, it's almost not even worth sitting there listening to half the bull shit I hear. If I really didn't want to do something along the lines of this program, I would quit in a heart beat.. but nothing can get me when a girl in my class asked me if I got to see Brad when I was home. I just looked at her, I guess she went to one of his parties. " Yeah he was with another girl. " ... "Sweet." I replied and turned around to someone else to talk to. I check the time, hoping maybe we can leave earlier so I can get back to the school and talk to my councilor about dropping this class. When I tell people I don't get along with girls, I'm being serious. It's not always that I'm fighting with them, but it's just some of their actions and words they can say and not even know and will set me off. Kaylea always tells me not to drop it, that it's good i'm in there because i'm doing something I want to do.Everytime I try and decide whether to stop going there or not, I always think of what Kaylea said to me, which is kinda why I'm still in that place.
    We get out early, and Brianna brings me to my car. I leave school early like everyday so far, and go see my mom at work. Mom asks how was school, told her the truth that I can't wait to get out of this place. My councilor won't put me in any art classes, let alone, photography classes, the only thing I look forward in doing. In that case, I get late arrival and don't have to show up to school till 9:15 every other day. Then I attend one class, and leave for boces, and get early dismissal practically. Not to bad, still pissed about my art classes..


And that was only day one. Can you imagine what I'm about to be put in throughout this school year? Pretty much. I'm going to start bringing a notebook to each class and writing anything and everything, because writing is the only thing I rely on when I need to vent.

til it hits all you motherfuckers.

its going to hit hard.

and your going to fucking realize
how shitty things got within just a few moments of our lives.

The End.

I love the way the sun goes round and lights up the moon.
I love a lazy morning when I sleep well past noon.
I love it when we kiss all day we roll around all night.
I love it when the moon peeks in and hits your eyes just right.
I hope you don't mind the world's fucked up and we're all gonna die

This might be my last chance,
So maybe I should take it.
I just hope your listening,
To everything I’m saying.
I miss the long drives, the car rides,
The bad fights, the good times;
The way you make me feel
will never leave my mind.

Think of you later in my empty room,
Where I will fall asleep alone.

So, quit your crying
And wipe the tears from your eyes.
‘Cause this is “see you later,”
I’m not into goodbyes.
Watch the brake lights
as I leave your drive-way,
The warm nights, will stay beside me,
No matter where I go

Think of you later in my empty room,
Where I will fall asleep alone.

Not that I would fully explain my personal life and myself on here but..
back in December, I think it was then, I spent a week in the hospital for a rare sickness/something 7 doctors even from buffalo couldnt quite understand what was going on with me is happening again.

tomorrow i'm back in the hospital for tests
i'm on steroids..again for pain
and..
i'm being sent to buffalo in a few weeks.

What is going on? And how can I explain what i'm being told of thoughts of what this is to people that I'm going to have to live with..

=/. you wouldn't understand anyways.